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I really can't stay.


Guess who’s given herself food poisoning? No, really guess. Can I just say that no one ever told me that food in the fridge decays just as fast as food outside the fridge. I thought that the quiche would be okay because it was only four days past its best-before date! But oh well, I get to catch up on Spooks and my sporking. Enjoy this story that was in no way, shape or form plagiarised. You may think that you’ve read it before, but you totally haven’t.

Link: But baby, it’s cold outside.

Title: Veronaville Your Penis Is My Moon

Author: SpellTell

Description: Your Penis Is My Moon, Part One :D just tell me if you want more of my penis. ;] Well, winky face generally means something dirty ;)

 

Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. Not true. Have you ever dropped a mug of tea down the stairs? Not pretty. I should know. I have to do it every year. You know, if you stopped supergluing your hands to things, it would probably be a lot easier to let go of said things. Juss’ sayin’.

He leaves me alone, not knowing who he even is, and I watch him say goodbye as he treads through the snow. Sensible Option: Letting the amnesiac boy out in the middle of a snowstorm. Ridiculous Option: Calling an ambulance and keeping him warm and dry until the paramedic arrive. This, class, was lesson twenty-three of Being a Sue 101.

Cole is a penis; but at the same time, he’s also my werewolf. He sheds his skin in the winter, and becomes a wolf without emotions or memories freak with no skin, whose blood vessels and internal organs and bones are all on show. He stares at me through the cold, icicles clinging to his shadow-black ruff eyelid-less eyes, his dormant mind sleeping in his canine pelt, and I stare back, missing him so much it hurts. The only thing I can find to do whilst he’s gone is plagiarise recent YA novels. And I totally don’t plagiarise anyway, because the story that I’m copying doesn’t have a Cole in, that’s totally the sequel.
I watch day and night for my ghost Can we please stick to one supernatural creature per shitty story? of the forest, waiting for him to come home, where he means the most. Yes. We needed him to fuel the fire /shitty pun related to his name.
And one bitter night, he came back early. I saw the wolf he was, an outline against the silver winter sky okay, what freaky ass planet does Suey McSueSue live on?, and then a human shape branching off of it, until it disappeared, and it was human and my friendly neighbourhood sporker made a noise that sounded kinda like ‘buh?’. Holy shit. He was back. The emotion that I was feeling was the most intense rush I had ever felt. I could feel it building up inside me. Then, I erupted with emotion. My bottom lip twitched.
He was back, and it was snowing.
I had to get him inside. *shakes head* Suey is gonna fail Being a Sue 101. Pah, logic! She should spit in zee face of logic.

I have never ran so urgently, the snow's perfection ruined by my heavy tracks as I blazed through. OHMY-WHATTHEFUCKSHESTHEHUMANTORCH?!?!?!?!?
I have never wanted anything more in my life. Oh, wait, I think it’s a metaphor about her blazing passion.

Cole. Natural Gas. Oil. Finite resources!
I saw him.
He was shaking, getting ready to leave me again. Was he gonna sprout a wolf shape? Cos I think that means he’s being watered a little too much

I grabbed him, furiously pulling him towards the heat of the house, willing him to stay, rubbing him warm, OH AYE! *eyebrows raised so high they go through the roof* before he could slip away from me like sand between my fingers. He couldnt go. I wasnt ready, and he wasnt either. Um, yeah he was. He was all prepared to go, and you kidnapped him and put him on the fire.

We made it to the house without him leaving me. I think the gun I had aimed at his balls really helped with that. I threw his pajamas overtop of his clothes to warmn him that I was a crazy lady who had a pair of his pyjamas for some reason, and positioned him on the couch, whispering to him,"Dont lose yourself, it took me three months to find you last time, you naughty boy." The gun added to the loving threatening tone in my voice.

The first thing he said to me was,"I have to leave. I cant stay human for long, Macy."
I said,"I love you."
He grimaced because this was the forty-second time this had happened, and I knew that he would never hear me say it because he always got localised hearing loss, and my eyes started to water, and I couldnt stop the tears from coming.

He conforted me, his puffy shirt absorbing my tears, and suddenly I felt selfish, making him stay against his will. I wondered how all the other, poor, helpless Supernatural young men were doing, down in the ‘Basement of Love.’
His words made me cry harder, turning into dry sobs and heaves, my throat burning with the intensity of the action. COSSHESSTILLTHEHUMANTORCHGUISE- ALTHOUGHBONUSFORTHESUSTAINEDMETAPHOREVENIFITWASUNINTENDED.
He held me firmly down, hugging me, hands caressing my back, feeling for the gun, and kissing the top of my head.
"I wont let you go." I said, voice shaking. I dried my eyes with my sleeve, embarrased. "Im so selfish Cole, I hate myself." I hate you too. We have a lot in common. Want to open a samminch sjop together?
"You arent selfish," he said, stroking my hair as I calmed down. ‘My Valium-tipped fingers are working,’ he gloated internally. ‘Soon I will be free!’

"I wont go outside until its warm again."

‘With you at any rate, my soon to be sleeping beauty…’

Whacha! Take another whiplash ending, and remember to get author’s insurance details.

Also guise, remember that you can’t copy this copy of a story, because author has asked us not it: ‘i dont have a lot to say other than dont take my ideas :/

 


Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
kelseypinkshoe
Oct. 7th, 2010 10:13 pm (UTC)
LOL WHAT IS THIS? I DON'T EVEN...

Okay, so. Plagiarized book. I definitely remember some of those exact lines from when I was skimming the Grace/Sam book, bahaha. IDGI though - why not set up the story a little? It just jumped into this random action sequence, leaving me really confused. xD

Anyway, A+ sporking, Gem! I hope you get better soon! And are you crazy? Four days after the due date?! The only thing you can do that with is, like, bread! Lmao
warlock_female
Oct. 7th, 2010 10:20 pm (UTC)
If he can't stay human for long wouldn't his wolf form be his true form?

Why do the Sues have to go after the werewolves?! They're not sissy and sparkling like those vampires! Well at least I'll always have the selkies.
(Deleted comment)
warlock_female
Oct. 8th, 2010 10:34 pm (UTC)
If you did a selkie story, no matter how lolzy, I'd have to love you.
kokomirus
Oct. 11th, 2010 02:42 am (UTC)
This one comes to mind.

I hated this book and the MC, Robbie of the IQ of two, in fourth grade, but y'know. Twelves are a different species and all.
lady_dragonae
Oct. 7th, 2010 11:09 pm (UTC)
Ha. I just went "Hey, a Suethor using werewolves instead of vampires. That's almost creativ-oh. Plagiarism." Fantastic sporking! You get a crappy comment because I just realised my keyboard is playing up. Augh.
secrettunnel
Oct. 7th, 2010 11:19 pm (UTC)
My reaction appears to be unanimous. I even thought this might have been a decent story until I got to the parts that blatantly copied lines from the book.
maranazar
Oct. 9th, 2010 03:14 am (UTC)
GEM! You are so funny. XD I can't believe she lifted lines straight from the book!

I'm sorry you're sick. D: I hope you're better by now (sorry it took me so long to read this). I'm sooo OCD about due dates on milk, eggs, meat...anything that can give me food poisoning. D:

paparazzi_x
Oct. 9th, 2010 11:29 am (UTC)
Get well soon Gem!
I had no idea this was from a book, which now prompts me to go out and buy said book just to see whats going on.
Fabtabulous sporking there m'dear :)
lissasims
Oct. 9th, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)
I don't understand the point of doing a story like this. Why bother copying lines from a book into sims story form (and doing it badly and with poor grammar)? This doesn't even qualify as fanfiction.
kokomirus
Oct. 11th, 2010 02:48 am (UTC)
Aww, I hope you're feeling better, Gem! The ~magic of 10/10/10 numerology probably cured you if you weren't. ;)

I don't even...what's the point of plagiarizing something if it's for a Sims story? It's not like her readers are going to see how ~great of a transcriber she is, bake her twenty chocolate cupcakes, and reach through the computer screen to give them to her.
I would have tried it long ago if that was the case.

Anyway, tl;dr: plagiarism sucks, but lovely sporking regardless!
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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