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The Final Ten! Part One!

Welcome to the last sporks EVER of Crimson Nights. We, the undersporkers, hope that you have enjoyed our sortie into the mind of a Ten. Please get off at the next stop, and don't forget to tip your sporkers.

Link: I want some baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back riiibs
Title: Crimson Nights; 2.3

Description: Maybe Its true that I can't live without you. -Boys l
Like gGirls & Taylor Swift, who is a freaky androgynous thing.

Crimson Nights; 2.3 is here. :D


high-kicking hippopotamuses all prolly like ''Wth? No more so than normal. Two is better than one?'' Nah, I’m more like ‘WHT? How is there this much fail on the first slide!’ O_O'' Well Gueshh what the fuck is that 'word' supposed to be? There are prizes! :3
I figured out Crimson Nights
apostrophe theme song, NO - PERIOD. If you guessed Two is better than one You fail at capitalizing the titles of songs Two fails are not better than one, jsyk by Boys like girls then your plate-spinning platypuses are correcto I beg your fucking pardon? I'm what now? :D yeeep. THIS IS NOT A MOTHER FUCKING WORD. so feel free to listen to that while reading. Feel free to start paying attention to us. >;] kay, I kindaaaa Whut? skipped Andy's pregnancy big time in this chapter. its mother's womb is extra short wif Beg pardon? a liddo Just…GAH with the baby talk! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! Well, I used to go in the pool on a lido? Maybe they get lost at sea! cliffhanger at the end. o-o -->

My pregnancy was pregressing
FAIL PREgressing? Does that mean she’s getting LESS pregnant? very well. I was showing already which would logically put me at about three or four months pregnant, because most women in their first pregnancy (especially undersized teenage girls) didn't show in the first two months, but earth logic had no place in this story. Asher was all over me since I started showing. Um, ew? I mean, I know couples can still have sex when they're pregnant, but really? He never lets RTC me leave his sight. I can most definitely tell that heapostrophes gonna be a great father by the way he talks to my belly. I don’t really listen to the words, just the soothing tones.
“My precious, if you’re a boy then I will teach you the ways of The Killers: How to attract vulnerable teenage girls, and keep them with you forever. If you are a girl, forget that last part and get used to the umbilical cord. You’ll be on a leash like it for the rest of your life.
What the hell is with these random tense changes? I see it as a trademark by this point—a serial killer’s calling card. I'm awfully excited for the baby too, although I feel like a big fat elephant, I was happy as a clam that I would be an under-educated teenage mother, who had a bebeh with her rapist’s brother (yeah, I remember the rape – why don’t you Ten?). That sentence is just so fucked up, tense wise, that I'm not even going to touch it. 

It was around evening time, When Asher and I were making out full on as opposed to half-assed? Well, ya know…sometimes the romance ~dies. I knew what he wanted, a samminch, But I didn't wanna *facepalm* risk anything. What if the knife slipped and I popped the balloon that I was pretending was my baby, just so he couldn’t leave me? My back and belly were swollen big time and that wouldn't feel good. He tried moving me over to the bed, But I pushed away in time. Uh, okay, Miss Purity. Forgive me if I don't give you a gold star, considering the state you're in at age fourteen. He looked confused. "Whut? Why don't I get teh_smut tonight? You let me smack your ass every other night of the week!"
I know, bb, but I have to look like the spokesperson for abstinence and stuff tonight, to perpetuate the message that all women should be bipolar teases who can't seem to make up their mind about whether or not they want sex, because that's the only type of female that author knows how to write. So, No.'' I said, scolding him like he was a pet or maybe even a child OIC WHUT U DID THAR; SEW CLEVER
He groaned, and put on a puppy face
mask that he bought at the dollar store. I wasn't gonna *facepalm* give in this time, because I wasn't attracted to bestiality and stuff despite what he seemed to assume. But yeah, wasn’t going to give in because NOW is the time to say no. NOW that I’m pregnant at fourteen.
''Not nowww
WHUT.'' I moaned, trying to soothe my aching back. He got the hint that I was hurting and rubbed my back and shoulders for me. SEW ~~ROMANTIC~~. 

''Come here.'' He whispered, pulling me in a hug. He was careful not to squish our baby.
I'd just like to point out that a hug can't squish a baby - I mean, it's a growing fetus (three or four months along, based on the size of Sue's stomach) that's protected by the mother's body which, realistically, isn't all that feeble. My mum rode the London Underground for eight of her nine months, and I came out fine. Imagine the squishing there! I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes for a moment, while he rubbed my back. It felt good since It hurt so much. Huh? She’s not having a demon baby is she? I think those get referred to as Its…


''Thank you.'' I said in a hoarse whisper
because apparently backaches equaled losing your voice. He chuckled.
''No problem. I love you.'' I smiled at that, After all this shit we've been through, he still loves me.
Um, yeah, ‘the shit’. Well, there was definitely a rape. But only Sue went through that… And then, um, they had to move house which was ~sew traumatic! And, perhaps living with the scene!Sue whose name I forget? Her neon clothes must have hurt Asian!Sue’s delicate eyes. I'm going to level with you, Ten: NOBODY LIKES AN INCONSISTENT TENSE, OKAY? IT'S THE MOST IRRITATING SHIT I'VE EVER ENCOUNTERED. CHOOSE A NARRATIVE STYLE AND STICK WITH IT.
Love, me.

''I love you too.'' I grinned to myself.

Nine Months Later.
LOL! So, based on the fact that Sue should've logically been about three or four, maybe five, months along in the last slide, this puts her at roughly 12 - 14 months pregnant? Nice going, Ten. Knowledge of pregnancy: you lack it. Please, God, stick to plots you can write convincingly!
spacelot has changed in these 9 Spell the word! months of being pregnant, though one thing has stayed the same: my inability to stick to one tense. For starters, I'm supremely frustrated because I've been pregnant between three and five months longer than I should've, which is probably the only case of its kind. Secondly, Me and Asher's relationship has been amazing, though we have missed a lot of school and that's why I said 'Me and Asher's relationship' instead of something like 'my relationship with Asher,' which is actually correct, and is the reason why I keep alternating between tenses and annoying the fuck out of everyone. Anyway, and it was still growing unbelievably like our beautiful fluke child who should be about three to five months old except he or she is still in the womb, for some odd reason. At this rate, I might be giving birth to a toddler!. But let's get back to "me and Asher"! Could not touch the last few lines: laughing so hard. We only wanted eachspaceother more and more each day. For Miranda - I haven't talked to her much lately because, honestly, why would I? It’s pretty obvious that the ‘Killer’ plotline got left in the woods, so why bother interrupting the smutz with pl0tz. That sentence blew so hard. Sheapostrophes locked herself in her room for the last few months, like she was hiding from something. I wasn't gonna *twitch* bother her. She could choose by herself what to do, and when to do it. In my opinion, Scene!Girl probably hid away because she didn't want to be around when the killer!toddler burst out of Sue, nor could she stand the alternating tenses. Or Sue and Stu forgot to feed her/open the window a tiny bit so she’s now dead of hunger/heat exhaustion. Or maybe she decided to run off and let whatever Bad Guys were going after Sue and Stu have at them? Wonder what happened to that subplot?  

Asher was on
spacetop of me but what else was new? Anyway, he was kissing futterwackening me sweetly and tenderly. He pressed me against the couch a little harder, His fingers traveled through my dark hair on the green line, then needed to switch to orange so they wouldn’t miss their transfer to the boob bus. He was trying to be gentle, for the most part because I was still very pregnant, but not Miss Purity anymore, so sexytimez were all good again in the bipolar life of Asian!Sue. I'll say! Twelve to fifteen months is a long damn time to be pregnant! It's a wonder Sue can even move with a child that age inside of her! As he was about to unzip my short, revealing dress, I wondered why I'd chose a short, revealing dress when I was so pregnant. Oh, and I felt a sharp pain in my stomach that made me screech.

You know what this means guise!


Asher quickly jumped off of me, looking worried. This just gives me a mental image of him laying on her and squeezing the baby out. The baby shoots out a couple of feet and hits the ground with a thud before screaming at the injustice of it all, tethered to her by the umbilical cord.

Occasionally I’m callous and strange.
''ASHER!'' I shrieked still holding my buldging
bulging?  stomach. I can’t help but read this as bludgering and imagine the stomach flying around, hitting Sue and Stu in the head. TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFENDOR! "YOU FUCKTARD, YOUR KILLER TODDLER IS COMING!" He rushed over to me and put his arms around my waist.
''Your water broke.'' He said quietly into my ear.
This bugs the fuck out of me that he's saying this "quietly in [her] ear." I think it was meant as a tender gesture or some shit, but it just sounds like he's being a creepy fucker. ''Push.'' Wait, does it hurt when the water breaks?

It doesn't just happen like that! Your water doesn't just break and then you have to push the baby out! Oftentimes a woman's water doesn't even break before she gets the contractions (though with some, it does happen first). Contractions can happen for hours, or even days (when my mother was having my sister she was in and out of the hospital for two days before she could actually be admitted into the mat ward), and the woman has to wait it the fuck out until she's ten centimetres dilated. Furthermore, there's something called the mucus plug that she has to pass (still not totally sure what that is
but I wouldn’t ask since it sounds like a lovely thing It’s like the doorway to the cervix only…made out of mucus). Then, when all that has happened, she has to worry about pushing. Jesus!
Google is your friend!

I did as told and pushed as hard as I could
though it was futile since I hadn't even had any fucking contractions and hadn't passed the mucus plug, so everything Asher said was rendered null and void. What a surprise. Kind of like every plot Ten comes up with? Miranda came down, looking scared. The last time she’d heard screaming like this, Asher and I had been copulating on the couch, and were so pissed for her interruption that we threw our pants at her. She kept telling me to do the same. They didn't get it, though - how could I push the toddler out when I wasn't even having contractions, let alone ten centimetres dilated?

Asher moved to the side, besides Miranda as I screamed in pain. I huffed and puffed. This hurt like hell.
Your heartfelt, emotionally touching narration really makes me believe it. Hey…she said the “h” word. That has to count for something, right? Fo'srs. I wanted to pass out right there and then. No, it's 'then and there.' Just saying.
''Asher.'' I croaked weakly, using all my might. ''Help..
DOT'' I managed to squeeze out of my throat before I started having a hard time breathing. I knew then that oxygen deprivation had caused irreversible damage to my brain. Asher, help? With what, his medical degree? His basic knowledge of human anatomy that he would have got, if only he’d gone to school! Thatapostrophes when Miranda and Asher both ran over to me, trying to help me, But I couldn't. ...You couldn't whut? Face this Sue!life anymore? And give up on it?!

I took one last huge push before I saw darkness surround me.
“OH NOES! BRIGHTNESS/CONTRAST -100!” I was scared for a moment, PERIOD. The last thing I heard was a babyAPOSTROPHEs cry before the darkness took me in and it all went black..DOT

So…her entire labor was like, five minutes? Wow, she gives Quinn a run for her money! That could have fit in any song, not just an awesome ~epic Queen one.


END. O_O Scary huh?
No. Well, scary in the way that a Ten wrote this.
XD Sorry it was sho
WHUT? short. That's what he said? I have to go. o_o

Check out the rest of it! IT GETS BETTER! Maybe?


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 10th, 2010 09:28 pm (UTC)
Psst your link goes back to the same page.
OMG EPIC LABOR FAIL. JUST...MY FUCKING GOD. My mother was having contractions for HOURS when she was pregnant with my brother; she and my dad went for long walks and all this shit and it still took like a whole day before he was born. LOL, Sue does give Quinn a run for her money!
Sep. 12th, 2010 03:53 am (UTC)
Meh. Sorry. Fixed?

OH EM GEE DOUBLE-YOU TEE EFF, I know! Though maybe it's good Ten has no knowledge of the specifics of labor?
Sep. 10th, 2010 10:33 pm (UTC)
I second June's 'OMG EPIC LABOR FAIL.' It does not happen like that, Ten! Just...*headdesk* Is she serious? I mean, really?

And, uh, I'm pretty sure Sue would notice her water breaking before anyone else. I'm pretty sure it's a big gush (actually, a friend labeled some pictures of her on FB as "The night before the big gush" meaning the night before her water broke. xD ) and makes you feel like you just peed your pants. It's not some little trickle of water. And yeah, that whole mucus plug thing and being dilated to ten centimeters needs to happen first before she can start pushing.

*headdesk again*
Sep. 12th, 2010 03:54 am (UTC)
Yes, yes, yes. Many good points. It is ridiculous. I mean, at least hit up Wikipedia or something. XD
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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