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Sim Spork: Where Stories Come to Die

Nut Up or Shut Up

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(Image by junebug_13)

We might remind ourselves that criticism is as inevitable as breathing, and that we should be none the worse for articulating what passes in our minds when we read a book and feel an emotion about it, for criticizing our own minds in their work of criticism.
--T.S. Eliot

It's a thankless job, but somebody's got to do it. No one ever thanks me when I'm done; how self-absorbed people can be!
--Repo! The Genetic Opera

Sim Spork is not affiliated in any way with EAxis because they smell. (It's a love/hate thing.) We are instead writers/readers who hate the immense load of crap and drama on the Sims 2/3 story Exchange. Don't whine at us if we choose to spork your story; you put it on the Internet, it's public domain. Nut up or shut up.


1. No flaming authors. True, they may be twelve. They may be annoying. But that's cyber-bullying even if they call you names back, and we don't need that, kthx.
ETA: I feel I need to elaborate on this rule. No flaming within the actual spork, but in comments go ahead. And this rule is more of a guideline. Don't go on long-winded rants calling authors expletive this, expletive that, or insulting their moms or whatever. Again, this rule is more of a guideline.
As of 4/20/10, this is the crowning moment of how not to insult a story/author/whatever it is. Comments emulating this one will be deleted.

2. When posting a spork, please follow this format:

Description: (i.e. the description provided by the author)

The idea is: copy paste the story parts, and if you want to describe the correlating picture, go ahead. But people can follow along with the actual story if they actually want to see the pictures.

Sporker comments can be in bold, italics, or multi-colored. Tag your spork with the title of the story for better navigation, but other than that, insert whatever tags you wish. (Examples: "Mary-Sue," a line from the fic, a line from the spork, something akin to "my brain is on fire," etc.)

3. Be kind to each other. I mean, we're all here united in our rage against Mary-Sues and bad stories, aren't we?

4. Save the drama for your mama. If we spork your story, get over it. If you're nice and ask for help on improving your dreck, we'll try our best.
Don't start an LJ or join our community simply to hate on us. We will banninate you, and block anon comments if it becomes necessary.

5. CAPSLOCK IS COOL. And a little bit of 1337 speek never hurt, as long as you're still slightly intelligible.

6. Please think of the F-Lists! Put your sporking under a LiveJournal cut. If you don't know how to do that, there are instructions here.

7. This one won't really be enforced, but please read through the links before posting so you don't look a total imbecile. (especially relating to 'its' and 'awhile')

Remember everyone,

(Image by imxplosion)


...is something you enter when you post a spork. Founded on March 31, 2010. For the full story on the origins of the Peanut Butter Brigade, see this sporking and the comments.
Feel free to send us more PBB icons!


(Image by kokomirus)
We all know a bad author who updates about once a week. There is now a mathematical formula to explain this: The faster the update, the worse the quality. Think about it, and it's true.


I pledge allegiance to Sim Spork, and its mighty state of hysteria, and to the republic for which it stands, one website, under LiveJournal, with sporks and chainsaws for all.


Let's get down to business
To defeat the Sues!
Did you write them so that
They could never lose?
They’re the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Author, I'll make a girl
out of Sue
(by raining_planets)


Image and video hosting by TinyPic
(Image from Looking For Group 378)
That other thing you get when posting your very first spork, the Spork of Condescension!


Are you unable to come up with a life-scarring, cookie-ruining euphemism for when a guy and a chick get it on? Look no further!

"Telia I think it's about time you learn where babies come from. So basically every boy has some chocolate chips and the girl has the cookie dough and when the girl and the boy grow up they start to want to make cookies together, they will meet up and the boy will add his chocolate chips to her dough and then they mix together to form a perfect cookie in her oven and sometimes even more than one cookie. The cookie doesn't always get made especially when the female's oven is busy giving itself a clean and they can't possibly bake anything then otherwise it would taste like cleaning chemicals. So if the cookie does get made it is very small at first but grows and expands as it gets baked and over a period of 9 months the cookie will be cooked and you will give birth to a baby. Now, I think you should go to school and have a nice day."
-- Telia's mother, Custard Tart Prologue by callisto771

...are cool people. Respect them or they'll banninate you.

junebug_13, or June. Supreme Evil Overlord of Chemical Romances and Magik Moste Evile. Writer of Hermione's ABCs. June is the founder of Sim Spork, and handles a lot of mod stuff, such as maintaining the offishal Sim Spork Exchange account.
kyra_master701, or Kyra. Maintainer of Sekrit Shadowy Gardens. Teh_mod of teh tr0llz. She will kick your ass.
imxplosion, or Heather. General of Kittehs With Rifles. Writer of An Astronomical Alphabetacy. Possibly insane.
julessims, or Jules. Sovereign of Favored Things and Casual Romance. Writer of My Favorite Things: The Legacy. Older and therefore smarter than you.

(Image by imxplosion)

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Send all queries to hermionesabcs@yahoo.com which is, FYI, June's e-mail. Bitch at/praise her or what-have-you if you so please.

Community icon credit to Heather!
angry baby, angst, bad grammar, bad spelling, bad writing, bitching, capslock, cheese, crack pairings, downrating, drama, drama llama, dumb bitches, ellipses, face one, flouncing, gary stu, gifs, holyshitomgwtfbbq, horror, hxc, industrial strength sporks, leah, mary sue, mary-sues, moaning, mocking, mst3k, n00bs, peanut butter, peanut butter brigade, pov change, proper grammar, self-insert, sims, sims 2, simsecret, slash, smut, spel czech 100%, spell check, spheshul snoflaeks, sporking, sporks, stuff, teh intarwebz, the sims, twelves, txt spk, wish fulfillment fantasies, zombies, ~scandal